Family. Overlapping Circles and life

In America, school terms tend to start just a few days before Labor Day, which is a National holiday resulting in a three-day weekend. This strategy I am finding out causes quite a bit of discussion and controversy amongst some parents as they feel it is disruptive for students to have a short week, followed by a long break.

For our two girls, it has been a blessing. They have really enjoyed the first few days at their new school but needless to say, are taking in so many new sights and impressions that they come home each afternoon happy but exhausted. Having a chance to rest and assimilate their first couple of days has been very helpful indeed.

Each day after school, I asked the girls what their favorite part of the day was, what they remembered most from their lessons and what their favourite subjects were. To illustrate how many impressions they are absorbing each day, Allegra honestly could not remember one thing about any of her day. I prompted her about subjects that I thought she might have had, such as Spanish or Mandarin and she would remember one small point, but other than that, it was all a blur. If you had a chance to read the last entry, you may remember that Allegra's favorite part of day one was drinking water! She did however say in her prayers on Thursday evening that she was most grateful for her new school. That is a good sign.

According to Anthroposophy, it is appropriate that someone of Allegra's age experiences school as a part of living, breathing, eating and simply existing. If asked what she liked the most about breathing, she would naturally have nothing to say. She seems to be experiencing school in the same sort of organic and experiential fashion, which again is a good sign.

What did really stick out in her mind is the new friend she has made - Delphine. She is the sweetest, must adorable little girl and the two of them get along famously. I predict that for a time these two will be inseparable. Allegra asked that I mention her in the blog, as she is so fond of her already!

Aurora on the other hand remembers most things. As mentioned she liked her poetry class, Arabic and arts and crafts but was not wild about the Spanish teacher, games,

and found all of the hiking that they had to do on their Nature Day last Thursday really boring.

She too cannot remember everything and makes more critical comments about some classes but all in all really likes the school.

One noticeable change that I am witnessing is that Aurora has become so aware of differences and is starting to draws comparisons between herself and everyone else, looking to see where she fits. For example, she was terribly upset that she did not know how to do cursive writing like the rest of the class. On Friday evening, she was in tears as she did not know how she was going to learn the new way of writing and as such keep up with everyone else. On Monday night before bed, she again asked me if I would speak to her teacher and to see what could be done about it. She did not like feeling left out.

Another example is that, in the forth grade, students are allowed to play an instrument other than the violin with permission of the teacher. Aurora has been playing the cello for one year now and was naturally allowed to switch. As it turns out, all of the girls in the class have now decided that they too will start playing cello. We met one of the fathers on Friday evening and he told us that after buying his daughter a new violin, she came home on Friday and announced that she was making the switch to cello. He told us that he was a bit surprised by this change as it seemed so sudden but Aurora quickly pointed out to him that 'all the girls were doing it'. It seems that the move towards being 'like everyone else' is starting to take hold.

This 'being like everyone else phase' for Aurora is about to be put to the test. In the 4th grade of most Waldorf or Waldorf inspired schools, students are given the task of doing a study of their family genealogy and creating a document that is all about their families and themselves. It is intended to cover family origins, their births and their lives today. Once completed, they present it to the class.

Aurora was informed of this project on Friday of last week and is already giving a lot of thought to what this will mean for her. She has not said anything directly but the topic of families seems to keep coming up for her. She mentioned to me yesterday that her teacher had told the class that her husband had died 3 weeks before the birth of her second child, also named Aurora and that she had raised her daughters without a father. She asked me if I knew about this and was noticeably taken aback when she learned that Sven and I had been informed in May.

Later in the evening, she mentioned that it would be wonderful if, at Thanksgiving, Sven's entire family, my entire family and her mother's entire family could celebrate together. It appears that she is already starting to join up the three circles consisting of her family and her life today. In her fantasies, we would all be there together with her. She appears to be trying to figure her family structure and how it all fits together. The picture at the top of this entry is of my parents with Aurora and Allegra. An example of how the circles overlap.

What will be important to watch is how she feels when she goes through the process of creating her family tree and preparing her presentation. I suspect that it will be experienced in two parts. The preparation then the presentation. Both will evoke completely different emotions. I know for myself, I found this project very difficult when I was in 4th grade. My own mother died when I was in the 3rd grade and so it was not quite one year later that I, as a young child, saw on paper how my family had changed and then had to present this to everyone in the class. Like Aurora, I was very alert and aware and was fully bought into the 'being like everyone else' phase of life. As such, this exercise was a big stretch. It highlighted so clearly that I was 'not like everyone else' which made me feel awkward and that I really stood out in the group. I cannot remember which I found more challenging, feeling different or having to revisit the lose of my mother in such an objective way. Being very aware, I tried so hard to 'figure it all out' and was even more distressed that I really did not know what was going on inside of me!

The good news is that I got though it and so will Aurora. We are different people and our mothers died in different ways so anything can happen. Her teacher, very sensitive to this herself has already been in contact with us and we are talking about how to work together to support Aurora with this project. It truly is amazing that we both have first hand experience with death and young children. Remarkable under the circumstance.

We will guide her through this project and she will learn a lot about herself and her linage and hopefully really enjoy that process, as it is so fascinating. With luck, she will find it so interesting, that it will lessen those feelings of being 'different' and she will experience it for what it is, a study of the family. If not, all we can do is support and know that this phase is about growing up and being a kid, which is what life is all about.