The second week of school started on Tuesday due to the long Bank/Holiday weekend. Not to be lulled into a false sense of starting the year of slowly, we were invited to attend the 4th grade Parent/Teacher meeting on Wednesday, the 2nd grade meeting on Thursday and the all school Parent Circle meeting on Friday night - after being requested to attend a 45 minute New Parent induction meeting! In addition, we were required to find a cello for Aurora to play and have secured a teacher by Tuesday!
More experienced parents might have expected such a start to the year. For me, as a new parent, finding the cello and teacher seemed like a project in itself let alone attending all of those meetings and ‘going public’ as a new mother and parent in this community. I had no sense of what awaited me. I also noticed that the little voice in my head was starting to get louder and louder, stating concerns such as: How will you be received as a stepparent? Would people prefer to ask Sven questions as he is the Children's father instead of asking me? How would it be? What if I am asked about our 'situation'? How much detail should I communicate as we really do not want the story to be what defines us in the eyes of this new crowd. As I could not imagine what would happen I decided to stay open and prepared myself for a week of new experiences.
Wednesday evening, Sven and I arrived at the 4th grade classroom on time. When we entered the room, parents were standing around chatting, clearly enjoying the chance to catch up after the summer holiday. Some people glanced in our direction but otherwise we were left alone. This did not bother us at all. In fact, I had a fleeting moment of joy as I thought I might be able to attend this meeting fully under the radar, get a chance to observe how it all works and take the time to figure out where I might fit into this matrix. No such luck.
As Sven and I were looking at Aurora's main lesson book, one of the father's broke away from his conversation and approached us. He greeted us warmly and drew us towards the group as the class teacher called us all to attention.
For those of you that are familiar with Waldorf education, you will be unsurprised to hear that we were seated in a circle around a candle with a beautiful silk cloth around the base in the chairs used by the children. Once we had all taken our seats, the teacher asked us to go around the circle and introduce ourselves and tell the group a little about our children and ourselves. When it came to our turn, I looked at Sven as if to say, 'go ahead...PLEASE'? However, he turned to me and said out loud "why don't you start, darling'. I think this is becoming a trend!
There I sat with my cover fully blown. What was I suppose to say? I could give a generic introduction and let people find out about us as information seeped out over time or I could go for it and let them hear first hand what we are about. I decided that the best defense is a good offense so I went for disclosure.
I introduced Sven and myself. I mentioned that Aurora was the name of our child and did highlight that I am her stepmother. I then went on to say that I am also the only one in the role of mother in her life, thus telling people a bit more about our collective history without having to be too specific. I mentioned that we are happy to be attending this School, as we want a fresh start for ourselves and for the girls. I also mentioned that Sven and I have only been married since February so it has been a year of great change and we are very excited that this new phase has begun. I concluded by saying that I chose to go to this level of detail as in the 4th grade, the study of family is part of the curriculum and it when the presentations are made in class later in the autumn, the information could be discussed by their children at home.
The group responded silently and I appreciated the fact that no one said anything but we could tell from people's expressions and body language that the message had been received.
Once introductions were completed, the teacher informed us that we were going to do a group activity, chanting a Native American song and perform a ritual of passing stones from person to person. This exercise is intended to get everyone working together in harmony in order to help make the meeting more productive. It is also something that the children do each morning before class as part of the daily ritual.
The teacher then demonstrated how it was suppose to work. Take the stone from your right hand then pass it to the right hand of the person next to you whilst receiving the other person's stone in your left hand. To the rhythm of the chant. Simple.
One thing I do need to point out is that for this particular meeting, many of the participants were fathers. A group of them were all clustered together, close to the door laughing and joking and clearly have a great time. Of those present at the meeting two were Board Members (one man and one woman), one was the head of the Parent Circle, similar to a Parent Association, and the new 5th grade teacher. Of the fathers present, one is an ER doctor, one a professional writer for the Wall Street Journal and columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, one a tenured University professor and the rest very successful businessmen and women. A heavy hitting group of mainstream individuals committed to giving their children a first rate alternative education but not necessarily accustomed to participating in it directly.
So there we sat on our children’s school chairs- kid size. These fathers were there with their Blackberries and iPhones at the ready, were being asked to chant and pass a stone around the room. It was brilliant. Even more so because they found the rhythm of the stone passing rather challenging and at the end of the first trial round, the cluster of fathers each had two stones sitting on either knee and stones in each hand. Considering that the exercise was designed to pass the stone and have only one stone in hand at one time, something had gone seriously wrong.
So, we tried again. This time, we tried a simpler variation of the stone passing which helped but layered on the chant. When we stopped part of the way through to check our progress, the fathers again had a pile of stones around them. At this point, I could not help but laugh. Quietly. I stated laughing and could not stop. I laughed because it was such an unusual sight. I laughed because I really appreciated how hard they were trying to keep the rhythm. I laughed because it was so amazing to see these men of society sitting in little kid chairs in their suits and formal work clothes trying to chant a Native American chant and pass a small stone from right to left. I laughed as well because I realized that these people, these biological parents were only human like me, the only stepparent and in fact, I had a better sense of rhythm then they did! I also laughed because it was such a great feeling for me, being part of a parent group. I laughed with real joy.
I am not sure if the exercise had the desired effect of centering the individual because everyone was laughing but it did bring us all closer together as a group. Especially when the ER doctor passed around a tube of hand sanitizer for us all to use.
Thursday night was the Second grade parent/teacher meeting. Sven informed me that he would not be able to attend as he had a meeting out of town.
When I arrived, it was a totally different scene. A very different crowd consisting mainly of mothers. All knew each other. All standing around talking and as with the previous evening, no one bothered to break conversation when I entered, although everyone knows that I am one of three new parents in the class.
Unlike the night before, we did not have to do an ice breaker or Native American chant. Rather, we were given beeswax and were told a story. Of Saint Bridget.
We were then asked to introduce ourselves and I decided to go for the simply variation. I told everyone my name, Sven's name and that Allegra was our daughter. That was it.
However, as the teacher was about to call on the next person, one of the fathers in the group called out to me asking if it was true that I was strongly connected to Waldorf education and if so, in what way. I said, yes that I had been a Kindergarten through 12th grade graduate. He then asked where I had attended school and before I knew it, I was giving a history of my connection to the schools, what worked and where the challenges were etc. Understandably, people that invest in Waldorf schools are so interested to hear 'how it all ends'. What happens once the person leaves the comfort of the educational system and community? How they get on in the world? Will they get a job? As they had a real life example sitting there in the class, there were lots of questions. So much for moving through this meeting unnoticed.
Once I was released from my questioning, the meeting moved on. At one point, the designated class parent said that she was going to give us 3 minutes to volunteer for a series of activities in the year. Events like the Winter Fest, a huge Christmas fayre. Similarly with May fayre. How about snack day? Flowers for the classroom? etc. 3 minutes?? I then made a snap decision that I have enough things to be adjusting too: new wife, new parent, new town and living in the US again to be getting involved in events that I know nothing about. So I sat on my hands and observed these scenes as they unfolded around me and kept quiet.
I went away from both meetings feeling reassured that I have the credentials to do my role as mother: unwavering passion for my child’s well being and education; commitment to working with the community to make it a wonderful place for all and a sense of humour.
We were pleased that the week of meetings went very well and our integration into the community got off to a good start. We enjoyed getting to know everyone and appreciated the warm reception we received. I came away feeling more involved than ever in our lives and even more committed to my role as mother
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