Well, as mentioned, we had just signed the lease and completed the documentation on Saturday but were still staying out at the beach looking after Chloe. So, the house which had also been handed over unclean was filled with boxes, no appliances and no furniture with the exception of a built in window seat and two kid desk chairs. That was it. Oh, and we had brought the dog with us as she had come back from her walk soaking wet and could not be left in the house.
We incorrectly believed that Amy would be arriving at 11:30 so we showed up at the house at around 10:50 thinking we would have time to clean a bit and make a trip to Peet's coffee for some refreshments. We had intended to get their much earlier but as they say in show businesses, 'kids and animals'. We were delayed.
At 11:00 sharp, Amy arrived. Into chaos. Dog running around the new house checking it out, the girls also as they really love the space and had not had the chance to properly explore, boxes, dirty floors, no refreshments, me as a first time parent hoping to at least pretend that I am in charge and capable of managing a household and family!
So there we stood. The girls got to her first and promptly introduced themselves. That fortunately went very well. Then it was our turn. However, I was busily digging through boxes trying to find teas, cups or mugs or something that we could use to at least offer Amy a glass of water! To no avail. So, I abandoned the plan and introduced myself to Amy and offer her a seat on the window bench. I then went in search of Aurora and Allegra, pressed some money into their hands and sent them off to Peet's on their own. Their first adventure into town without their parents! However, it was no time to worry about their safety, their ability to manage change or carry hot drinks because we had a guest to entertain. Who was observing us in our surroundings!! So off they went.
I then sat down and joined Sven and Amy who were already deep in discussion. Sven then paused and said to Amy that as we were all alone without children around, there were a few things he wanted to discuss. Then he turned to me and said, 'why don't you begin, darling?'
The topic that I was then tasked to bring up is a very serious one indeed. As you may or may not know, the girls lost their mother to cancer a few years ago. One of the main reasons for this move to California is that we are committed to raising them to be healthy, well-balanced and happy people and know that a fresh start can truly help make this possible. As I too lost my mother at a young age, I know first hand how important it is to allow children to do what they do best and that is to live. A new location can offer so much possibility for some of those sad reminders that are embodied in locations, buildings, places, people, local events etc. They will always be special but not being reminded about them every day can keep from holding one back.
Amy very sadly lost her husband to cancer three weeks prior to the birth of her second child. This was pointed out to us during out interview process in May and presented as being perfect for Aurora. We actually do not entirely agree and this is what we knew that this meeting would offer us an opportunity to discuss this directly with Amy.
So, as Sven said, over to me. How do you start such a conversation? As I sat there collecting my thoughts for a few moments, two things came instantly to mind: firstly, as a child, my teacher used to point out that my mother had died in front of the entire class and on more than on occasion. For me, this was the most deeply upsetting thing as it not only reminded me of something I was having to live with ever day but pointed out how I differed from everyone else. Secondly, I also thought about Aurora and the fact that she too had already experienced such an incident in her previous school and was equally devastated by the experience. I now had a chance to prevent it from happening again.
So I sat up straight and began. I expressed my sympathy for Amy and her situation then presented our position very clearly. We do not want Aurora to be treated differently as she has lost her mother nor do we even want it to be a priority. What we want to focus on the fact that she has two loving parents, a strong and loving family and godparents and a whole life ahead of her to live fully. Etc. It was a tough conversation to have, as it is not without huge amounts of empathy, personal reflection, sadness but the fact remains that life goes on and a parent, it needed to be discussed.
Amy totally agreed. She was very grateful to us for our candor and felt that we had established a strong basis from which to begin.
At this point, the girls arrived home triumphant from their outing and it was the perfect opportunity to transition the conversation to other things.
An hour later, Amy was shown around the house by Aurora and took her leave. Aurora is thrilled to have met her and already is certain that she is going to like her.
As for Sven and I, we felt too that both our daughter's academic education and emotional development are in safe hands.
I am also relieved that the state of our house in the end did not even feature.
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