Our Celebrations

Since returning from Europe, I am struggling to find the most fulfilling and appropriate way to extend a seasonal greeting to those around me. I find the standard, ‘Happy Holidays’ somewhat wanting especially if I know that someone celebrates Christmas or Hanukkah. I have forgotten how ‘Universalist’ America is at this time of the year and the standard ‘happy holidays’ or ‘seasons greetings’ is therefore all that is heard.

What is interesting though is that trees in town centers and buildings are all decorated with various ornaments such a wreaths, lights, bulbs, candles etc but people do not extend any other form of seasonal expression other than ‘Happy Holidays’. So, I have spent time making the adjustment from wishing people either 'Happy Hanukkah' or 'Happy Christmas' to 'Happy Holidays' in keeping with the local practices.

The question arises, how does a parent instill a sense of reverence, expectation and belief in this type of environment where there is no direct connection made to the specific religious holiday that we chose to observe at home? How does a parent create a qualitative experience where the influences of marketing and consumption reign supreme? And as a result, gently influence the focus of the season away from the amount of presents hoped for and expected towards higher ideals?

Last year was my first Christmas with Sven and the girls.  I flew in on December 22^nd from the UK, in the evening, so I came in just before the big day itself. The girls were naturally very, very excited, as they already knew that they would be receiving two American Girl dolls accompanied by a stack of accessories. All of the other preparations had been completed and the gifts that I purchased where the final touches to an already finished picture.

On Christmas day itself, the girls hurried through their various gifts then the American Girl doll packages were reached and that was the end of it. All focus turned towards the dolls and the accessories and they dominated proceeding from then on out. I remember watching that with mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was thrilled to see them so enthusiastic about these dolls and really honoured the fact that their maternal grandmother has entered into this project with them.  On the other, I found it unsettling that these incredibly well marketed dolls had usurped the focus of the day. I cannot imagine what it must be like for families that live in a more conventional, mainstream way with the influences of Saturday morning television with all of the advertising that goes on.

With these impressions I gave thought to what this year might bring and had the chance to work with Sven to really develop the type of festive season we wanted for our family. We had a series of issues to discuss including what cultural traditions we both wanted to include as well as how to handle the expectations and shadows of Christmas’s past (legacy). Then, as we have the chance for a new beginning, how we would most like to see the festive season observed in our new family. We discussed everything from religious observation to house decoration to gift giving and how we hoped the day itself would unfold and came up with a plan. The aim was to build expectation as well as use the season for education e.g. gain an understanding of what the Christmas festival is all about and also include, where possible, insights into other festivals observed during this period.  Our final consideration was to ensure that there was some connection to the gift giving process other than just going to the store, picking something out and waiting for us to buy it.

 We started by creating a sense of expectation here in the house by dipping beeswax candles that we used for our Advent wreath. Fortunately we are four people and needed four to observe each week of Advent, so it worked out perfectly. Trecey collected local greens that we then made into two advent wreaths: one for the door and the other for the table to use as the wreath itself. The hearth was covered in evergreen cuttings and we used it to mark the various earthly kingdoms as observed in Anthroposophy: week one being crystals for the mineral Kingdom, a plant and large pine cone for week two too represent the Plant Kingdom etc. We completed the picture by adding a lovely Christmas tree that sat in the corner of the room.

We attended Children’s service and supported the Advent stories told by the Priest with stories read at home. We completed the experience by attending the children’s service at our local Catholic church on Christmas Eve before dinner and the opening of one gift before bed.

We also had a wonderful opportunity to observe the final night of Hanukkah at our friend’s house where we had a traditional dinner, prayers and songs. I was thrilled to see that Aurora knew the words to almost everything said as she spent a lot of time in 3^rd grade studying the Jewish faith in school in Wisconsin. I remember her coming home and telling me about what she learned and exclaiming how much she loved the food, the songs and the celebration of the high holy days. I should also add that we played a rowdy game of Dradel, which I won! Aurora came a very close second. Nothing like a bit of healthy competition I say.

We encourage the girls to make as many of their gifts as possible using materials around the house and/or recycling items that can be reconstituted. They do this very, very well I have to say.

We have an over abundance of beads and other such items that Aurora used to make jewellery for her Aunt and sister. Allegra noted that the local coffee shop stocked their self-service counter with stir straws so she went down and asked if she could have some to make God’s eyes. The gifts they created were wonderful! I also had them use packing paper to make their gift paper and suggested that they colour the paper to create the appearance of patterns and decoration. The picture below shows what a great addition to the gift the paper becomes when this is done.

Having the girls participate in the creation of the gifts they planned to give had a significant impact on their understanding of what a gift actually all about. Spending time thinking about what to make someone then going about collecting the necessary materials then assembling the item leaves a necessary and lasting impression. It is not possible for them to be just consumers of gifts when it comes time for them to open their own presents as they have first hand experience as to what it takes to take a concept and turn it into something material.

Sven and I make sure that not all of the experiences were exclusively educational or practical. Some of the mystery does remain. For example, stockings were put in front of the fire in the hopes that Father Christmas might leave a little something for everyone. The two kittens were even included in this ritual and the girls were amazed to see that they too got a little package in their stocking this morning when they awoke. The awe was even more compounded when, upon opening the stockings for their four legged friends, they discovered that their parcels had their correct initials on them! How did he know?

As Christmas day drew to a close, Sven and I reflected back on the four weeks of advent culminating in the day itself and feel that we have managed to capture a feeling of expectation of the season through activities and discussion. We used religious observation as a means of educating the girls about the more spiritual aspects of the season which we feel are necessary otherwise, it can too easily become all about presents, marketing, good food and more presents. On that note, we feel that the gift giving took on an entirely different meaning as the girls created their own gifts and even their wrapping paper and could not hide their joy when the recipients delighted in their gifts.

We believe that we are off to a good start in this new endeavor.  

                                           My contribution to the gift making experience - Hats and scarves